Movie Reviews

Fifty Shades of Grey – Movie review

Starring:  Jamie Dornan, Dakota Johnsonfiftyshades

Rated R, 2 hours 5 minutes, released February 2015

My rating:  F

My thoughts:  I’ll be the first person to admit that when Fifty Shades of Grey came out (in book form), I jumped on that bandwagon faster than I care to admit.  The idea of BDSM was new at the time, and not a “genre” that was popular.  Not only did it become popular, but the book spawned a slew of copycat books.  And before you knew it, billionaire men into dominance were all the rage.  That was 5 years ago.

The Fifty Shades of Grey movie was released almost 4 years after the book’s release, and I think the BDSM genre had slowed down quite a bit.  So I was surprised when they announced a Fifty Shades movie.

Originally, Charlie Hunnam signed on to play the role of Christian Grey.  He would have been a fantastic CG; but then, his career would likely be ruined.  Instead, we were graced with Jamie Dornan playing the titular role of Christian Grey.  I am not sure why I didn’t notice this at the time of reading, but CG is really a creepy stalker.  He meets Anastasia when she fills in interviewing him for her friend who is sick.  In the book, he is instantly smitten with her.  In the movie, it seemed to be the other way around, where AS was smitten with him.

After their initial meeting (in Seattle, where CG lives) AS is working in Portland (where she lives) when CG comes in – to buy some random BDSM shit (she doesn’t know that at the time).  CG plays it off that he was in the area on business and just randomly showed up in some random hardware store.  Then we find out he’s staying in Portland, at a hotel.  Again, stalker.

This movie was really disjointed.  The chemistry between CG and AS was not at all believable.  I felt no chemistry between them at all.  We go from them meeting, to them having sex after AS’s big revelation that SPOILER ALERT – she’s a virgin.  CG wanted to “break her in”.  Creepy.  Let’s break you in, so I can bring you into my red room of pain.  Sure, that’s how life works.  This move was over 2 hours long and there were about 20 minutes of sex scenes.

This movie was long and BORING as hell.  I didn’t care about any of these characters.  In the book, AS was someone you could relate to.  In the movie, she’s like a robot.  The dialogue was dull and delivered very robotically.  Their relationship moved at a weird pace, and Ana never did sign CG’s ridiculous sex contract.

I will for sure be skipping any future movies.  They can only get worse.

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